A Post from the Unpublished Archives #1

Occasionally, I’ll come across something I’ve written for the blog that for some reason went unposted. I don’t remember what incident or series of events prompted the post below, but it appears I was not in a very happy mood that day.

4/2/03

I think I need to begin choosing my friends more wisely. I constantly feel as though other people’s favorite qualities in me are that I’ll listen to them speak ad nauseam; that I’m a giver from whom they can take, take, take; that I can be counted on and require nothing from them…not communication, not true affection, not consideration. It seems sometimes it would be better to be alone. And so, now I have to do some thinking…who to keep up with and who to let go. What to change about my own behavior and what to maintain. Why stay “friends” with people who are disinterested in me, who can’t remember things I’ve told them about me, who don’t even know my basic details (can you still not spell my name correctly?), who don’t remember that yes I was there the day that, or the moment when, that I was indeed the person who told you the story that you’re repeating to me. I’d like to have friends who value me as much as I do them, who give to me as I do to them, whom I do not feel I must engage in an adversarial struggle for attention with. How wonderful that would be…not only to love and give but to feel loved and given to in return.

Okay, very corny at the end there. Maybe that’s why I didn’t post this…but, whatever, I see my point.